The Rules of Squigby

0. The Rules.

0.0. Play. Anything covered under these Rules.

0.1. Definitions.

0.1.0. "Directed" or "Specified," as in, by Rule or Adjudication.

0.1.1. "Normally" shall be construed to mean that the Rule holds in all circumstances not specified by other Rules.

0.1.2. "Or else" shall be construed to mean that if the Rule is demonstrably Violated, the Offense is Barfable.

0.1.3. The Term "Term" shall be construed to mean a Term spoken by a Player that indicates Invokation of the Rule specified by the Term.

0.2. Time Units.

0.2.0. Gametime. Any continous period of Squigbiy! Play. Normally, Rules may only be Invoked during Gametime.

0.2.1. Turn. A period of Time during which a Player has exclusive Rights to certain Actions, which normally concludes with the Play of at least one (1) Card. Any following Turn commences immediately upon the Conclusion of the current Turn.

0.2.2. Round. An ordered cycle of Turns in which each Player takes exactly one, or else.

0.2.3. Squiigbiy!. A possibly fractional ordered cycle of Turns concluding with the Taking of the Sgkwuigkbey!

0.2.4. Game. A possibly fractional sequence of Rounds that lasts exactly until a Player has Won.

0.2.5. Gamebreak. Any stretch of Time between Suspension and Resumption of Gametime. Any Player may invoke Gamebreak at any Time, but excessive frequency or duration is Barfable once per Infraction, even in Absentia. Gametime may be Resumed any Time thereafter by the invoking Player or by Adjudication. In theory, all Time spent between stretches of Gametime, however long, are merely Gamebreak.

0.3. Safety. No Game Material, including, but not limited to, the Players, the Cards, or the Surface, may be physically Defaced or Altered, except with the expressed Consent of the specific Material's prior Owner.

0.4. The Squiggbey! Rule. No Player may issue any expletive, profanity, or obscenity other than the Term "Squigby" during Gametime, or else. A Player may escape Barfing under this Rule by invoking Sqkwieggbij!

1. The Surface and The Hand.

1.0. The Surface. Squigbee! must be played on a reasonably flat Surface, since several Piles of Cards must be kept in some passable form of Order. Anything face-up on the Surface may be examined by any Player at any Time. Cards shall be piled on the Surface, either face-up or face-down, on top of a Pile or else inside, and the Card Piles on the Playing Surface shall be, to wit:

1.0.0. The Draw Pile. The Draw Pile shall consist of the Cards not yet Dealt in this Match. The entire contents of the Pile shall normally be kept face down on the Playing Surface, or else. Normally, a Player will Draw Cards as Specified from this Pile.

1.0.1. The Sqwigbee! Pile. The Squuigbe! Pile shall be that Pile of Cards into which each Player may Play Cards face up. No two Cards of the same Number may be on top of this Pile at any Time. If a card that has been Played cannot be placed on the Squygyby! Pile, then it must be placed in the Recycling Bin instead. The contents of this Pile are Cycled into the Recycling Bin after each Squiegbi!

1.0.2. The Recycling Bin. All Cards that would Normally have no further significance during this Match are placed face-up in the Recycling Bin.

1.1. The Hand. Each Player may hold up to fifty-four (54) Cards in their Hand. The Player has exclusive Rights to the Use and Play of these Cards, and may keep all Knowledge about their Hand secret, except for the number of Cards held.

2. Lighting the Match.

2.0. The Deck. The Deck shall be an approximately randomly distributed set of fifty-two (52) to fifty-four (54) standard poker-style playing cards. Every Card not a Joker is considered to have a Number.

2.1. The Dealer. A Player may volunteer to be Dealer, unless one (1) has already been Selected. If no Player volunteers, one (1) is Selected before the Match commences. The Player to the Dealer's left is hereinafter referred to as the Connection.

2.2. The Deal. The Dealer then deals seven (7) Cards face-down, one at a time, in succession, to each Player, starting with the Connection, and finishing with themselves. The Cards Dealt now comprise each Player's Hand. The remaining Cards in the Deck become the Draw Pile. The Connection then commences the Match with the Play of a Card.

3. Just Playing Cards.

3.0. Drawing. A Player must transfer one (1) or more Cards from a Pile to their Hand where Specified, which commences with the Player's hand touching the Pile from which the Cards are Drawn.

3.1. Playing. Players have the exclusive Right to Play one (1) or more Cards from their Hand to one (1) or more Piles during their Turn, concluding with the Player's hand leaving the Pile to which the last Card is Played.

3.1.0. Cards are normally Played to the Squigbey! Pile, unless otherwise Specified.

3.1.1. Once a Player has Played Cards, their Turn is over, and Play continues with the Player on their immediate left, or else.

3.2. Only identically Numbered Cards may be Played during a single Turn.

3.3. Aces may be Played as higher than Kings or lower than Deuces.

4. Strategic Maneuvers.

4.0. Opening. If the Sqkueggbij! Pile is empty, a Player may Open by Playing any Card.

4.1. Establishing Direction. If the Sghwygkbiy! Pile contains at least one (1) Card, and Direction has not been established, then a Player may establish Direction by Playing any Card. If the second Card is higher than the first, the Direction is considered Upwards; otherwise, it is considered Downwards.

4.2. Continued Play. Once Direction has been established, a Player may normally only Play Cards higher than the top numbered Card of the Pile, if the Direction is Upwards; and only those lower than the top numbered Card, if the Direction is Downwards.

4.3. Consecutive Play.

4.3.0. Pull. A Player may Play a Card having the same Number as the top numbered Card, if any, of the Squwiygby! Pile by invoking "Pull". The Player who played said top Card must declare "Mulch" before Drawing one (1) Card, or else.

4.3.1. Push. If there is a top numbered Card on the Szkqwuuigbie! Pile, and said Card was Played as a Pull, then a Player may normally Play a Card having the same Number by invoking "Push". The Player who played said Pull must declare "Mush" before Drawing two (2) cards, or else.

4.3.2. Cucamonga. If there is a top numbered Card on the Skwuyggbey! Pile, and said Card was played as a Push, then a Player may normally Play a Card having the same Number by invoking "Cucamonga". The Player who played said Push must normally declare "Anaheim" before Drawing three (3) cards, or else.

4.3.3. Anti-Cucamonga. Instead of declaring "Anaheim", a Player may discard an Ace and invoke "Anti-Cucamonga". The Player who originally played the Cucamonga must then Draw the three (3) cards instead.

4.3.4. Incontravertibility of Mulch. In some circles, it is considered Unsqwwwigbylike to Barf a Player for invoking Mulch in place of Mush or Cucamonga.

4.4. Simultaneous Play.

4.4.0. Tribble. Players may play two (2) Cards simultaneously by invoking "Tribble", or else.

4.4.1. Homerun. Players may play three (3) Cards simultaneously by invoking "Homerun", or else.

4.4.2. The Greatest Thing Ever. Players may play four (4) Cards simultaneously by invoking "The Greatest Thing Ever", or else.

4.5. Combinations.

4.5.0. Double Tribble. In the Turn immediately following a Tribble, a Player may play two (2) cards of the same Number as the top Card of the Szkooygbbie! Pile by invoking "Double Tribble", in place of either Tribble or Pull. The Player who played the original Tribble must then declare Mulch and Draw two (2) Cards, or else.

4.6. Jokers Wild.

4.6.0. Jokers are considered Numberless.

4.6.1. Wurlitzer. A Player may play a Joker by invoking "Wurlitzer". All Players must then pass their Hand to the Player in the direction specified by the invoking Player.

4.6.2. Double Wurlitzer. In similar fashion, a Player may play two (2) Jokers simultaneously, by invoking "Double Wurlitzer", instead of either Tribble or Wurlitzer. Each Player must then pass their Hand twice in the direction specified by the invoking Player.

4.6.3. Counter-Wurlitzer. When a Player invokes Wurlitzer, any other Player may discard a Joker and invoke "Counter-Wurlitzer" before Hands are passed, to prevent the Wurlitzer from taking place. If Counter-Wurlitzer is invoked, the original Joker stays where it was played, and Play continues to the left.

4.6.4. No player may Win by playing a Wurlitzer, Double Wurlitzer, or Counter-Wurlitzer.

4.7. Fair Warning.

4.7.0. Wootzle. When a Player holds exactly two (2) Cards, they must invoke "Wootzle" before the start of the next turn, or else.

4.7.1. Wootzit. When a Player holds exactly one (1) Card, they must invoke "Wootzit" before the start of the next turn, or else draw two (2) Cards.

5. Round and Round and Round in the Circle Game.

5.0. Taking the Sgkuygby!. If a Player is unable or unwilling to continue Play, they must draw a number of Cards from the Draw Pile equal to the number of the Cards in the Squiggbiey! Pile. The Szkhwygkbey! Pile is then emptied face-up into the Recycling Bin. Direction is considered disestablished, and the Player then continues their Turn normally.

5.1. One-Card Sgwickbee!. Taking a one (1) card Szgkquiygby is Barfable.

5.2. Emptying the Recycling Bin. Before the Draw Pile empties, the Dealer must shuffle the contents of the Recycling Bin, and place them face-down at the bottom of the Draw Pile, or else.

6. Rule Number Six. There shall be no Rule Number Six.

7. Victory Conditions.

7.0. Winning Style. Normally, a Player wins a Match when they hold no Cards in their Hand. The next Match may then commence with the Connection as the new Dealer.

7.1. Checkmate. In the Event that a Player has exactly one (1) Card in their Hand, and may establish the Direction of Play, they must invoke "Checkmate" before playing a Card, or else.

8. Barf. Certain Specified Rule Infractions may be Barfed, although Barfing may normally only be Invoked during Gametime.

8.0. Challenging. Any Player may challenge a Barf with an Adjudication, however, the alleged Barfee is automatically Unfit to be Moderator.

8.1. Justice. If a Barf is Challenged, it must be found Just or Unjust by Adjudication; if the Barf is not Challenged, it is automatically considered Just.

8.2. Penalty. If a Barf is found Just, the Barfee must draw one (1) Card from the Draw Pile, unless otherwise Specified. No Penalty may be Invoked for any Infraction if Barf is not Called, or the Barf is found Unjust.

8.3. Wrongful Barf. If a Barf is found Unjust, any Player may invoke Wrongful Barf to cause the Barfer to normally suffer the Penalty of the original Barf.

8.4. Unsquwegkbeylike Play may be Barfable, but is always subject to Adjudication.

9. Adjudication.

9.0. Opening Debate. Any Point of Order may be subject to Adjudication at any Time. Any Player may implicitly or explicitly open Debate. Gamebreak is automatically Invoked as a Result.

9.1. Moderating Debate. The Dealer is normally the Moderator of the Debate. Any Moderator may be Adjudicated Unfit by a Majority of the remaining Players, in which case the Player to the Moderator's left becomes Moderator. If all Players are Adjudicated Unfit to Moderate, Debate is immediately Concluded with no Adjudication.

9.2. Impeding Debate. The Moderator may Barf any Player that impedes Debate. This Right is subject to Wrongful Barf.

9.3. Concluding Debate. The Moderator may declare Debate Concluded with the Consent of a Majority of Players to a given Adjudication, or to none at all. Note that a "tied vote" does not consitute a Majority. Any Adjudication concluded under Debate is then Binding under these Rules. Gametime resumes normally with the first Play of a Card.

Want to propose new rules or modifications to old rules? Send your thoughts to squigby@tridity.org.

= The Grand Collected Rules of Squigby =